drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
