Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the day after is always just damage control
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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