There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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