I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
