I looked at my own cervix.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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