Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
