Apparently you make a good broom.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
