maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
