I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did I show you my penis last night?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My feet surprised me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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