11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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