Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
