I think i peed on brittanys purse
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
