Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
