im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
As shirtless as possible
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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