So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Four minutes until I can fart!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
