I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
