She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just gift wrapped bread.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
