do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
