I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
