it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
