Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
