New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
vagina is talking i cant
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
