Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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