just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
