If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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