decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
