Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
