I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
