Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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