she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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