we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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