Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
