The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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