____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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