Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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