mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
