M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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