need another drink. this is the easiest way
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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