remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
