I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
