I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
