dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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