her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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