I can tuck mytits in my pants
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
