i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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