apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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