shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
