She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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