after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
