Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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