I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need a burrito and a hug.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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