we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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