ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
